ME: Behind the smile

Behind my smile I am chocking

in tears - I am drowning behind

sun rays and flowers, and laughter

in the emptiest words of my soul.

 

In the light of your days I am looking

for some darkness where I can free

for some quiet and restless wander

for the piece of my own last grave.

 

In your eyes I am searching for venom

strong enough to seize my last breath

to stop the beat of my heart frozen

to ache in my veins as I am.

 

In your words I’ve found the clef

to unleash all my screams and damnations

like a symphony of shame, pain and outrage

like the shrieks of a scorched dying demon.

ME: Lost

Keep walking

without a direction,

despite the pain

in my feet.

Keep searching

for something

non-existing

in this reality.

Keep listening

to noise

mistaken for singing

- the chants of the dead.

Keep following

the path on my life

but it went South

and I kept going North.

ME: Alone

I stay alone -

all by myself -

inside

only  the demons

in my head,

and the ice

in my heart…

I thought that I need

something to cure me,

something to help me,

something to hold on to…

Every help I have poisoned,

every hand I have cut,

every friends I have pushed away,

every love – turned to stone…

ME: За прошката

Казват голям човек

e този, който смелост събере

за прошка да помоли

и ръка си подаде…

Но по-голям е онзи,

който напреко мислите си

събере кураж и

прощава, поемайки подадени ръце…

А има малки хора

мизерни, низши същества,

които тъй и никога не знаят

как да поемат подадена ръка.

Но нищо нека си останат

непростени грешки и мечти,

че някои хора и без прошка

живеят със щастливите си дни.

ME: Empty

A beggar for soul in my face,

the fairy of tears in my eyes,

the master of north in my heart,

the four winds in my mind,

the murderers act on my fingertips,

the child in despair in my feet,

the coward in my spine,

the whore’s tongue in my words…

What’s left of me in this shell

is what you’ve left me with

after you messed with my head,

took what you wanted and left.

Floods of tears rushing in,

but no consolation they bring

to a dead body and lost soul -

to someone lost within…

ME: Sleep

Sleep so you won’t feel

the pain and despair

the hurt from the lies

the betrayal of trust.

Try and give up on those

who only brought you tears,

try to leave behind the memories

that led you to nightmares alone.

Cut all the phone wires,

burn all the keys for your door,

tint all the windows

and sleep, sleep safe, dream!

ME: I’ve forgiven myself

I’ve forgiven myself

as I turned the page,

as you closed the door

I’ve forgiven you for being gone.

Where are my friends now,

where’s the spring we had?

Why is this winter

so long and so cold?

Whatever tomorrow has for me,

I’ll stay on my track,

I will be me,

I will just be…

Close the book

and set my spirit free!

Turn off the lights

and never wait up for me.

ME: Feed my madness

It’s on again -

my fits of madness,

my dances of rage,

my etudes of despair.

I’m back again!

More miserable than ever,

more unhappy than before,

more sad than the rain…

Can’t you see me?

calmer than the ocean,

more quiet than the silence,

wiser than the time…

Breaking every window on my way,

taking care of every flower and fly,

killing everyone in my sight,

saving martyrs from our sins.

I scream in my head

and I’m smiling.

I cry in my bed

and I’m laughing.

I die in your arms

and I live in your soul.

ME: Lines

I've drawn lines before,

I don't want any more lines in my life

and I don't want an eraser.

I just want a pen,

because I know my path now

and my company I’ve chosen.

And even if I have to put an end

I’d like to write my own full stop in ink

and not to wait others to put commas

of the breaths I will and won’t take!

ME: A chant to keep me sane

I’ve lost so much time

to wander around -

walked all the empty streets

ran at random all in vain.

I thought I was on my way,

but turned out I was round

the corner all the time -

didn’t dare to move further.

I’ve made mistakes,

I’ve done more wrongs

than I thought

I could ever do.

I’ve been a sinner more

than I was I saint,

I’ve been crying

and breaking down not once.

But if I did one thing right

‘twas to keep the love for you

running in my empty veins

and ringing in my head as a chant…

ME: When you don't love me any more

When your love

drains down

and dies in despair,

I’ll still love you

and call your name

I still ‘ll be waiting

for your call,

for you to stop by!

Call me names,

call me stupid,

call me insane -

I still ’ll be yours,

for your voice is

what I need to hear

despite the words

that hurt and bruise!

Tell me to leave you,

tell me to go away,

tell me you hate me -

I still ’ll be yours,

for your touch

is what I need to feel

even as you push me

aside and away!

ME: I walk the streets of love

I walk the streets of love,

alone for thousand years

looking at the strangers’ eyes,

looking for the sight I lost

long ago, thousand years back.

I ride the train of love,

alone for the rest of my life

searching for the one I love,

searching in all the wrong places,

for all the rest, all what’s remained of my life.

I hide in shell

in front your gaze-

I could not take

to find you now

and know I wouldn’t be

the one you’d take!

ME: Without passion

I didn’t need your tears before

I don’t need them now,

I needed your heart,

but it was never mine,

I don’t need

your vows in long forgotten love,

I only needed

a word or a sigh in a silent night.

I don’t need

your temper now -

I only needed

your passion before…

ME: At this hour of the night...

At this hour of the night

when Death declared Its birth

I look around myself

and stare at the muddy earth –

what’s left of me is just so ugly

wrinkled, sad and in so much pain,

what’s left of you is not much either

a crushed resemblance of a man.

It hurts to think, but I am trying -

to figure out how did we end up here –

was it love or endless battle,

that took us where we stand right now?

Or was it others that had hurt us,

or was it us, who took our brothers’ pain?

Is it my life that’s going to be wasted

Or is it you who died in vain?

ME: I will be

I ain’t gonna be these days between,

I ain’t gonna be these sighs that you keep for special occasions,

I ain’t gonna be the sun in your long polar winters,

I ain’t gonna be the fish in you poisoned rivers.

I’ll be your all or your nothing,

I’ll be your life or your death,

I’ll be your sight or your blindness,

I’ll be one with your flesh or you’ll be my prey.

ME: Blades

Had the blade pointed at you!...

How love turns to hate

I still don’t know.

May be just as words of passion die

into silent rivers of bitter contempt.

I just wanted to kill the memory

of your name from my life…

How the knife from friend

turned into an enemy

and bit my own hands,

to this day I don’t know!

But the blood - still dripping -

cleaned my veins from your poison,

and I’m still here,

I’m still alive!

ME: Утро

Прокървя тази сутрин кафеварката,

изпълни се с отровени пари,

запищя от болка, запалена

запращя от горещите пламъци.

ME: Down under

In this dream I can be found

frozen by the sun, under the ground.

Flying – wings open wide

in tiny nutshells I hide.

In this dream I can be seen

out of mist, scent and heavenly clean,

blood-stained and cursed

I rise from your pain.

In this dream I commit all the sins,

and remain bright-white as the ice,

be forgiven all vileness and have no fear

of what one might call me, not blades and nor spears.

МЕ: Promises

I promise you to be weak

when you’re energy’s gone,

to make you raise

and believe that you’re strong!

I promise you to be tough

when you’re strong,

to make myself fit

for my man of power!

I promise you to be happy

when you’re joyful,

even if dying a little inside me,

to make your happiness double.

I promise you to cry

when you’re sad,

so your eyes won’t have to cry even a bit -

I’ll cry all the rivers instead.

I promise you to be witty

when you need a friend

and to be obedient

when you simply need woman.

ME: Dead phones

Walked home

and looked up in the mirror,

unleashed the rivers, started ‘em,

running from the corner of my eye…

Cursed and craving

picked up the phone and dialed you,

but there was no answer,

no ‘Hello!’

I closed my eyes and kept on crying,

to death I cried and closed the line.