Me: Collision course

Image by ClickerHappy from Pixabay

Adjust the seat 

Align the mirrors 

Look back. 

Look back. 

 Never look back! 

 Hands steady on the wheel 

Pretend you know where you are going 

Indicators on 

Look back!

Look back!

Never look back. 

Blind spot

Dead zone

Drive forward 

Flatl

             in

                      e

Don't look back… 

Never look back

ME: Умората, която не си тръгва

 

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

 

Умората, която не си тръгва
Прегърна ме и там остана
В очите, на дъното, намери място
Сви се и повече не мръдна

Опитах със сълзи да я отмия
Да я удавя в слънчеви лъчи
Във мрака да я задуша последна
В съня да я забравя, но уви

На нея мога само да разчитам
Че няма да си тръгне във нощта
Само тя със мене ще остане
Шепнеща най-страшните неща.

ME: Kintsugi with blood

I carried you for so long in me...
First, in my heart - the seed I wanted to nourish and grow.
After, in my mind - the thorn I ripped out to burn.
Then, under my skin - smouldering ember I tried to suffocate.

I fell apart for you so many times,
I lost count of the years,
I lost some of the pieces,
never came wholly again - kept you hidden in the cracks.  

What to do with the nothing you left behind?
Never knew what a day is like without wanting you.
Forgot what life is without hurting for you.
How does my soul move again with the scars of you?

How could this be healing?
If only I could remember you
I would've left a vein open,
never letting you fade away.

ME: On writing

 

I'm stabbing the paper with the metal nib of the pen
not to curve beautiful words in color and frill
but to pierce the paper with pain and despair,
cross-stitching the past with blood and tear.

The letters fall through the lines in the sand,
emerge glistening from the veins in my hand,
spill over the stave
ring out into the void.  

I'm watching to hurt.
I'm dreaming to feel.
I'm speaking to kill.
I'm writing to heal.

ME: Hurt me again

Photo by Polina Tankilevitch: https://www.pexels.com/photo/young-woman-with-scars-45191

Photo by Polina Tankilevitch
 

I ripped myself wide open -
expected to bleed
but the body was all empty
from blood and from pain,
dried up and hollow
despite all the rain.

I wanted to bleed one more time for you,
to cry you the tears that you loved
so many times before,  
but nothing was left from the sorrow
and the thick stench of despair. 

Is it salvation?
Or is it the end?
Which finally delivered me
from the damnation 
of burning desire
and searing pain?

So I'm sitting here stitching
the cuts I drew on my skin.
Collecting the last of my being
to preserve for the next life
for you to hurt me again. 

ME: I wanted to write you a poem

I wanted to write you a poem,

but nothing is left in my heart - 

no hate is burning within me 

and the love has faded to ash.

 

But there is still a heaviness in me

when I think of your touch in the dark,

of the kisses that you didn’t give me

and of the passion that threw us apart.

I missed you when I didn’t have you,

I still miss you once in a while…

Will I ever get over the want

in your piercing steel eyes?

ME: F*cking New Year

 

Created with Dall-E3

Ugly words of darkness

Drowning lights into the pain

Mindless screams of stupid cadence

For ugly souls in quiet days.

Return no more to nest of sharpness

Retreat away from blunt despair

Shroud the blindness with the silence

Turn the numbness into rain.

Авторско: Няма те

Няма те

Мъртъв си

Не заслужаваш да дишаш

Убих те на живо и в мойта душа.

Няма те

Мъртв си

Спри да се връщаш

Да се прокрадваш тихомълком в нощта.

Няма те

Мъръв си

Ти сам се отказа

Избра си страха.

Махай се

Връщай се

Там откъдето

Дойде с празната си суета.

ME: No need

Growing stronger on your own
No need for me anymore at all
The goal was reached
You can face the world on your own
I'm no longer necessary.

The tears are rolling,
but I am happy -
you made it out of the shell
and whatever shape contains you now
you are happy too.

Do not remember the day I'll tell you I'll be leaving
go free and live the life you have
I'll keep the shape of you right next to me
for the rest of mine - for all I had before.

ME: Enough was not the same it was before

I woke up today

from a year-long slumber

and saw your shadow

in the dust,

in the whispered silence,

in the fires - dead and cold,

in the open door,

and the night outside.

My heart was numb

until I felt your absence,

until my skin cracked in pain

missing your touch,

needles from your eyes,

the bruises from your teeth,

the sweat from your breath,

the whisper of your love.

And then I knew -

you were gone forever!

Enough was not the same it was before - 

you tired of the games,

grew old from the rains,

weary from the pain,

exhausted from the searching,

heartless from the findings.

I knew before I lost you - 

you've lost me a million times.

We ran towards each other

in the wrong directions.

Around the globe we went

to find ourselves in one.

Reached different worlds,

only in our pain together.

ME: Today I killed

Today I killed.

What love was left in me is dead,

stifled by reason and by pain.

Burned us both to ash,

to stop the fire from raging,

to dry the tears and sear the hearts.

Today I crawled out of my soul - 

an empty husk of hope and dreams,

left it wither in the cold,

went along the way and be who they want me to.

Heartless, loveless and alone,

what loved you - dead,

what hated me - still living.

What you loved in me is gone -

the suicide of faith and of despair.

Today we died.


----------------------------------------------------
The poem image also appears on MeMyselfAndEla's blog here

ME: Untouched

Pic from Rock&Roll Bride

Would you have hated me if I had stayed?

Would you have stayed, if I hadn't run away?

I know my tears are not yours -

the sky will cry with me tonight.

Your fears were mine however

to bleed my dry into the daylight. 

The lips unkissed they hurt the most,

the skin unseen - on fire - cold,

the breath not caught had drowned me,

the words not said - had killed us.

Without a sin the sinner walks

alone again, on empty paths.

Tomorrow's sun to blind my eyes

and burn the memory off into the sky.

Разруха (Авторско)

Camille Kleinman

С воля за растеж и разруха

минавам през живота

без да поглеждам назад...

Към руините на моите любови,

към раните оставени по нашите тела,

към празното в душите и мъртвите, черни сърца.

Вчера построих Рим,

а днес го подпалих - просто така.

Така и ще те обичам - 

без задръжки и детински слова,

с огън и истински бури,

в чаша или завихрени около света.

Много ли ще ти е моята силa?

Моята вещерска свобода?

Ha темпото сърцето ти ще издържи ли

или ще се превърнем в пепел до утре сутринта?

ME: For all those times

For all the times you didn't see me,

for all the times you didn't care,

for the times you looked beyond me,

for all the times you were simply scared...

I was brave to stand beside you,

I was strong to take the blame,

I was kind to look around me,

I was there to save the day!

For I'm the one who knows your story,

and I'm the one who truly cared,

who'd pick you up when you were broken 

and give you wings when you would dare.

I didn't ask you for a promise,

and yet you went beyond the Sun - 

you gave the world - all empty-handed,

expecting to believe the beautiful charades.

Enough of lies and silly doings,

enough of cowardliness and cheap acts,

I leave you here with your misgivings,

for I no longer have the tact!

For the times you didn't listen,

for all the times you looked away,

for all the kisses you forgot you promised,

and all the times you went away - 

there was someone who would hear me,

there was one who saw my day,

there was someone who would kiss me,

on the forehead and who would understand.

ME: A drop

Just a drop to fill the silence,

one drop to stop the pain,

another small one for the sadness,

and few on top to paint the rain.

With it - it's a life of madness

and without it - horror story without end,

for emptiness is still the loudest

when everyone is screaming

through the silence of my veins.

Alone with you - seated right here near me - 

as happy as I have ever been,

alone and cold in the pool of blackness,

if a drop I drowned - of misery. 

ME: Never alone

In the darkness,

on the street,

in the corner,

in the shadows,

I'm never alone,

lonesome as it may be...

There's one for each - 

different and the same,

She's gougers

and we're all her children,

made from

and

for her! 

She's always there -

waiting quietly,

to take me home

with a whiff of air -

the breath, second to last,

She greets me

and with the last

She takes me along...

If you are ever lonesome,

my precious boy,

don't you whimper and cry

for She'll be there for you,

to take you - one day!

With her - through the darkest light

and bring you home -

to me,

breathless and calm.

You are not alone!

ME: Overrated

The importance of life

is overrated,

much as the importance of will and the like.

We all turn to dust

with only dust to remember us

and only dust to follow.

Not a speck left from our transgression,

neither from our obedience to whats true,

nor from our hopes and our dreams.

This whole quest -

it is futile,

the efforts - in vain 

and the hope - still born in the chest.

ME: New year but not quite

They said the year changed,

I didn't notice.

They said the luck is new,

I don't have it.

They say the life is new,

it isn't.

New places, new faces -

old fears, old aches.

New year for new beginnings -

old blood in the old wounds.

New year for a new awakening,

nightmares turn around the clock.

 

ME: Сутрин

Ароматът на праскови сутрин

и допира на твоята плът.

Парата от чашата вряло кафе

и гъдела от топлия душ.

Слънцето вплело лъчи във косите,

И шепота на всички тези листа.

Ласката на нежната ти ръка

и щастието в погледа на странник...

ME: Salvation

I tried burn it all to the ground

but the rain wouldn’t let me…

It pours from the skies

trying to drown us within…

May be this would be salvation!..

But I’m empty, a figurine with no dreams,

dead are my eyes and dried are the feelings,

hollow I float and pray

to gods that never existed ,

for a way out that never came to be…